The other day my husband told me he ordered me a gift online. He was so excited about it, saying things like, "This is the most YOU gift ever" and "Oh my God, I'm so excited to be able to get you this." He was watching the tracking all week. The day it came in, he called at work me and told me excitedly that it was in. He was so thrilled to give this to me.
Of course, the whole week I was building up in my head what this gift could be. My husband is not a big gift giver, but he was so excited about this one that I naturally started coming up with ideas. Jewelry?? Some technology that I've been wanting?? Did he get me a new camera?? What is SO ME that he couldn't pass up? I needed to know. As the days went on, it got bigger and bigger in my head. This grand gesture?? This was so unlike him!
So, as I walked in the house that afternoon, he was giddy. Excitable. He made my daughter go with him and they were going to get this amazing gift and they were going to give it to me together. "It's SO you. I saw this and HAD to get it for you." How sweet?? Right?? Wouldn't you be happy if your husband said this??
They walk into the kitchen to hand me the gift. He is smiling ear to ear; he looks like a kid in a candy store. He is SO excited to give me this gift.
I open it.
and...
what it is?
It is a Pop-It Pal. It's a zit-popping contraption. It is a plastic thing that you press and out comes pus-like material. It's an artificial zit-popping wonder.
He was so excited as I was opening it. "Do you love it??"
I'm just looking at it. Staring at it like.... huh? THIS is what is think is SO ME?? THIS????
I was so ugly about it. I just looked at him with this WTF face. How absolutely terrible is that of me??? This great man THOUGHT of me and got something for me, was excited for me to open this gift that he thought of, and THAT is how I reacted?? I apologized not long after since I was so embarrassed by my behavior.
In reality- I love the gift. It IS so me. I am obsessed with all things popping and Dr. Pimple Popper. But for some reason, I built this whole idea up in my head that it was going to be something else. I don't know WHY I built it up, and he gave me no indication that it was going to be something huge and special, but I still did.
Essentially, I stole my own joy.
It made me start thinking about how many other times I do this. How many times do I build up a day or an event or a situation and when it doesn't pan out the way I want it to, I get disappointed. Aren't there great things happening in those days anyway? Of COURSE it doesn't go exactly the way I want it to, but that doesn't mean that it is inherently bad.
When I'm teaching, there are LOTS of times when my lessons don't go the way I want them to- sometimes they go much better, sometimes not at all as I was expecting. This doesn't make it BAD- it just makes it different.
This whole experience made me think about my life and how I do what I do and how I react to certain situations. Take a minute to examine your life. How often really do you find yourself stealing your own joy? How often is it that something doesn't go quite as you want it to or predicted it to, so then it ruins your moment? And why? Why do we do this??
Let's make a point to enjoy days, minutes, experiences. gifts, meals, holidays, birthdays, for what they are- not what we built up in our heads. If we can do this, we'd all be a little bit happier. That's my new pledge to myself.
Do you find you have the same problem? Tell me about it so I don't feel so bad about myself 🤔!
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